Pretty paper, folded and taped neatly, tied with a ribbon and topped with one of those mad shiny bows… Who can be arsed with that?!
Be honest this Christmas. Stop pretending you’re a neat wrapper and embrace your own unique sh*tness. Let’s face it, you were going to do a crappy job anyway so you may as well make it hilariously bad rather than pathetic.
This one is easy: find hairs. They’re everywhere! Run your fingers along the carpet and you’re bound to find at least one, preferably laced with a tiny little dust bunny. Why not make it personal and just rip a few off your very own body? They don’t even have to be from your head…
If you were planning on using some pretty decorative tape, put it in the bin. We’re after big, thick, utilitarian packing tape here. Rip off a needlessly large bit with your teeth - don’t you dare cut it neatly - and stick it to yourself a few times to really reduce the adhesiveness.
Source 5 disgusting and unmatching wrapping papers. Preferably these will be crumpled from being squirrelled away after last year’s festivities. Grab the gift and shoddily, leaving bits poking out so there’s absolutely zero chance of your recipient having a lovely surprise.
… Or just let us do it for you with CRAPWRAP™! We’ve been wrapping customers’ orders in a comically bad fashion for over 10 years and we’ll go nuts on yours for a mere £3.99. Check out firebox.com/crapwrap for a sneak preview of what we’ll do to that perfect present of yours.