Top 8 Valentine's Day Winners For Him

Ellie Weston – 24th Jan 2019

Disclaimer: none of the things listed here are ‘just’ for men. These gifts are for everyone. Honestly, gifts probably shouldn’t be gendered. But a lot of people like to search for gifts based on the person’s sex, so we thought we’d make it easier for them to find what they’re after. Check out our (blessedly gender neutral) Valentine’s page here if this page ain’t doin’ it for ya.

Two Faced Mushion

What’s better than a personalised cushion with ANY face you want on it?

A personalised cushion with any TWO faces you want on it! Say hello to our brand new Two Faced Mushions. What’s the point of leaving that back side blank when it could be bearing an additional friendly mug of someone you know?

Suggested combinations include a romantic pairing of you on one side, your man on the other. Or just a picture of you on both sides, one happy and one sad. Who wouldn’t want their own double sided mood cushion with a picture of their beautiful partner?

You Repulse Me The Least Chocolate

A lot of blokes are repulsive. Hopefully your boyfriend or husband is the least repulsive bloke you know. Hopefully he also likes chocolate, because that would make this beautiful bar perfect for him.

Laced with rose and raspberry, this bar of white chocolate is the prettiest prezzie that most men will tolerate - all wrapped in a layer of ravishing red foil and a sentiment that we all need to hear now and again: you don’t completely disgust the person most intimate with you.

Wine Condoms

How many uncorked bottles of red has he had to turn into vinegar-y sangria? Or let perfectly good units of white wine slip down the drain because they’re no longer good enough to even fold into a risotto?

A superior gift to a bottle of wine itself, these wine condoms keep opened bottles fresh so you can get stuck into them days later without worrying if you’re going to die of botulism or something. Of course, if you were after wine to go with them, we can help you out in that department, too.

Beard Buddy

Is the man in your life the beardy type? Probably. Somehow we’ve managed to let men get away with extending the beard trend waaaay beyond its sell-by date. It’s ‘cool’ for them to just not do any grooming, meanwhile women are literally having needles put in their lips and stuffing them full of saline filler goo. But we digress.

Encourage him to keep his majestic face-mane in good nick - and the sink hairless - with this nifty little thing. The Beard Buddy is basically a bib that he can attach to the mirror to create a safety net for all of those stray hairs when he’s having a trim. No hirsute fella wouldn't appreciate the gift of never having to spend ages mopping up all the little hairs from behind the taps.

Retro Pocket Games Console

Triple A games? Pfft. Don't get him them, he's probably already bought them all himself. It's about time he broadened his horizons and put down the FPSs. This 100% unlicensed and unofficial little gadget is a retro arcade in your pocket. 150 quirky but charming titles that we guarantee he will have never even heard of.

No, seriously. Have you ever seen him playing ‘Receive Egg’? What about such classics as 'Elude Balls' or the worrying 'Free Me'? Exactly. He’ll be entertained for hours.

How To Live With A Huge Penis

Has he got a big dong? Quite possibly. Does he need help handling it? Quite probably. This fancy little book is a user's guide for those blessed with a mighty meat sword. From how to come out to friends and family about your mega pecker, to dealing with discrimination from envious urinal glarers, this book is a veritable cornucopia of well endowed wisdom.

Please only buy this for men who aren't desperately insecure about their genitals or you might just completely rip his last lingering shred of confidence to pieces.

Stormtrooper Gin

Let's do a choose-your-own-adventure thing! Does your boyfriend like Star Wars? If yes, read on. If no, read on anyway.

Does he like gin? If yes, buy this and be crowned official best partner in the entire world 2019. If no, keep reading anyway. These blog posts take ages to write, we don’t want our time going to waste.

This is no novelty collaboration. This set features two bottles of gin by the award-winning Bimber Distillery, one London Dry and one Sloe, each in an official stormtrooper glass bottle by Shepperton Studios. Yes, THE Shepperton Studios that created the original stormtrooper helmets. And this intergalactic set is exclusive to Firebox. Boom.

He’ll never miss a shot again, unlike the soldiers of a certain Empire.

Beard Bouquet

They say a rose in the beard is worth ten in the hand, and we’re inclined to agree. Especially if said roses aren’t the stupidly expensive and wasteful real kind, but instead our Beard Bouquet.

These artificial roses are just as beautiful as the real thing, if not more so, and they clip seamlessly into any beard for a romantic flower child effect. What could possibly be more romantic than sprouting the flower of love from the pores of his face? Exactly, nothing.

There’s just one caveat: he has to have a beard. Wouldn’t want to clip those clips onto bare skin.

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Not found something to satisfy the lad in your life? Check out the rest of our V-day bestsellers, if you don’t find The One for your One then we’ll eat our hands.