Gourmet Giftgasm: Our ALTERNATIVE Christmas Feast

Ellie Weston – 5th Nov 2019

P.S. Fancy coming along to our next feast? Scroll down to find out how...

Putting together our big mad Christmas campaign took a lot of hard work, so it was only fair we honoured its launch with a giant alternative festive feast! Not entirely sure about the logic of that but just look at the food.

To go with the campaign, each mouthwatering course was themed around a different Firebox product and designed to provoke a particular reaction from our #giftgasm report. Some were surprising. Some were arousing. Some were even disgusting. The entire spectrum of emotions was there. Apart from grief and frustration. Nobody likes those guys.

Fin Taylor kicked off the proceedings with a killer comedy set before guests were treated to a trifled roast dinner with CBD-infused honey roasted potatoes, flaming box-shaped Christmas puddings, raspberry Unicorn Tears Gin granita squirted from the tip of Jizz The Game, and even more delights!

Our Edible Chocolate Anuses received a luxurious, lustrous upgrade. Golden gourmet sphincter, anyone?

Believe it or not, this Pierre the Penis is actually made of carefully moulded salmon mousse, casually balanced on a sourdough crisp with a caper and dill emulsion and a feta caviar garnish. Fancy!

There’s that trifle we were on about! Each layer is a different component of your Christmas dinner: pulled bronze turkey with a dark chocolate jus, Vichy carrots, CBD Honey roast potatoes, braised red cabbage, chestnut stuffing and bread sauce, topped with gold leaf sprouts and sprinkled with gold pine nut hundreds and thousands. Don’t worry, it’s all piping hot. That’s gravy they’re pouring on it, not custard.

Feast upon the world’s saddest sea creature. Squid tube a la Blobfish filled with chorizo, lemon and parmesan, served on a bed of sea vegetables with squid ink gel, pickled cucumber, cauliflower foam and onion ash. Oh, and a little paper Blobfish to tie it all together.

What’s for pudding? We were going alternative but we couldn’t shirk tradition entirely. It wouldn’t be Christmas dinner without a Christmas pudding! These flaming ones were box-shaped (like Firebox… geddit?) and ready to be extinguished with a fire bucket of edible sand and chocolate orange custard.

Like what you see? Wish you had been there? We’re going to be giving you the chance to sample this feast! Click here to find out all the details.