It's nearly November, the clocks have gone back, and now you wake to miserable darkness every single day - or you squint angrily at your expensive SAD lamp, realising that it doesn't make you feel any less shit about life.
No amount of showering, meditating or fancy granola is going to give you the instant brain energy you require to function properly as a human being. You need a coffee - a fucking strong coffee.
We don't mean five heaped teaspoons of freeze-dried supermarket drivel, and we don't mean a £4 artisan latte from your local trendy hipster hovel. We mean a Fucking Strong Coffee.
Precarious, caffeine-driven productivity 'make-a da world go round' - and now you can get your fix in five exciting formats...
The front of the packaging tells you everything you really need to know. Packed and roasted at our London roastery, our powerful brew is a complex and dark-roasted blend of Brazilian and Honduran Arabica Coffee. Full-bodied and fucking flavoursome; with powerful notes of dark treacle, cocoa and liquorice, complimented by a dense syrupy body.
If you thought coffee alone was deliciously addictive, you haven't tried these beans. So. Damned. Tasty. Customers were consuming an entire jar in one sitting so we had to dial down the caffeine content in these moreish morsels to give just the right level of gentle buzz.
When you sink into the sofa at the end of a stale day, you deserve (desperately need) a cheeky pick me up. But! You'd be crazy to add yet more caffeine into your fragile and weary body post 5pm.
Enter Fucking Strong Coffee Liqueur. Where most other coffee liqueurs are unpalatably sweet; we've taste-matched this gourmet spirit to our signature blend and it tastes fucking sublime.
Best of all, although this bold liqueur is brimming with complex coffee flavours - it's virtually caffeine free! (0.00046% to be precise)
Dark, dense and very decadant. Liven up your snacking habits with an honest mashup of lovely, guilt-dripped fudge combined with our signature Fucking Strong Coffee. Satisfy your sweet tooth and crush your coffee cravings all at once.
Our potent roast has started something of a movement amongst seasoned coffee drinkers, so to help further spread the word we created this handsome little gift set. Fill up the enamel mug and raise a shakey toast to heightened awareness and world-beating productivity levels!