3 Ways To Make Their Birthday The Best One EVER

Ellie Weston – 5th Apr 2019

Birthdays are a bit meh, once you’re past the legal drinking age in your country. Nothing to look forward to other than being able to rent a car in Europe, which isn’t exactly something to get excited about. Mind you, at least you won’t have to nick the European rental cars out of your parents’ car cabinet and replace them with water. Wait, hang on…

Anyway, we can all agree that adult birthdays are boring. There are no surprise gifts, only boring practical stuff you’ve asked for, like a new casserole dish. Your party probably takes place in the local pub and the guest list consists of a few acquaintances who weren’t busy. The only cake you’ll get is a Pret croissant from your boss. You don’t go to sleep with that happy ‘what a wonderful day’ glow at the end of the day.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. We’ve rounded up some fabulous ways to make someone’s birthday a proper celebration again. Be sure to only use them on someone reeeally special, because you may just end up making them extremely happy.

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1. Set the mood with decorations, for once in your goddamn life

When you imagine a birthday celebration, you think something like this:

Or like this:

Or possibly even like this:

But when in your life have you ever known anybody to have a party even remotely that fun in real life?

Unless you’re an influencer doing it for your own Insta shoot, you’re never going to wake up to that sort of lavish celebratory decor. So just imagine how special you’d feel if someone made the effort for you?

We’re talking balloons. Streamers. Bunting. Even just printed out letters will do, it doesn’t have to be fancy. With mad party decs, it really is quantity over quality. Cover the walls in foil if you have to. Spell out their name with mayonnaise on the ceiling. Slide a lifesize cardboard cutout of Judi Dench into their bed. Anything goes.

But if you decide you want convenience AND class, we recommend our glittery confetti balloons for a super easy way to make any room party-ready. You just blow ‘em up and job’s a good ‘un. Seriously, it’s that easy.

2. Get on their nerves for the greater good

Ridiculous pranks, crap-on-purpose gifts, putting a book token inside a PS4 box…

We can all agree that good memories maketh the occasion. But there’s no need to deliberately trip over when carrying their cake in. Giving them something funny to remember forever is as simple as slipping them one of these.

There is no easier way to engineer an annoying, hilarious memory for life like our Never Ending Birthday Card. This bad boy plays the world's catchiest Happy Birthday song for 3 hours straight when you press the button.

The fun/torment doesn’t even stop there. The music gets louder if they try to press the button again to shut it up! By this point, they’ll be pretty livid and ready to tear that bastard card a new one. When they inevitably snap and rip it open, they’ll be greeted by an explosion of glitter directly into their face.

No matter what they do to it, it won’t be silenced. Smash it with a hammer, submerge it in water, run it through the dishwasher all you want. It’s not going to shut up until the 3 hours are through.

Give Clintons a miss this time around in favour of this, your lucky recipient will never forget it - or forgive you.

3. Wrap it before you tap it

Wrapping gifts yourself is:

  • Tedious
  • Expensive
  • Difficult
  • Time-consuming
  • Bad for the planet

Don’t waste time getting tangled in tape and lost in Paperchase, just get us to Crap Wrap it for you!

We'll wrap anything you buy from us in the ugliest way possible for the mere pittance of £3.99. We use leftover, off-season wrapping paper that was destined for the trash heap to make your gifts look gloriously ridiculous.

The Crap Wrappers really go to town on it, from recklessly ripping shreds of paper and dodgily covering corners, to being a little too generous with the ugly brown packing tape. If you’re lucky, you might even find a stray hair amongst the scraps.

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All this will make their day, but a few choice gifts won’t go amiss either. Check out our birthday edit for some top picks to really hammer home just how much you treasure them on the anniversary of them busting outta their mother.