Regular fortune cookies are tame and boring. Stuffed with banal and clichéd anecdotes that apply to both everyone and no-one. Rubbish.
Let's face it, the cookies have always tasted like cardboard dipped in artificial sweetener; so you deserve to at least crack open a pointed and sobering fortune that stirs you, disturbs you, forces you to look deeply at who you are and where you're headed. These miserable Misfortune Cookies tell it like it is.
Deal them out to your unfortunate friends, or sit alone and unlock your hopeless reality as you morbidly stuff down mouthfuls of Chinese food and ponder your own wretched existence.
Read 'em and weep.