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Grow A Dick
  • Grow A Dick
  • Grow A Dick
  • Grow A Dick
  • Grow A Dick
  • Grow A Dick

Grow A Dick

Willy chillies

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Grow A Dick
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Sh*t Hot right now
  • The spiciest way to tell ‘em to grow a dick
  • Contains all you need to grow dick shaped chillies
  • Super simple - just add water!
  • 100% organic, from the soil to the penis produce itself
  • Literally looks like a bunch of red dicks
V - Suitable for Vegetarians


Spicy bellend! No, it’s not an STD, it’s the organic produce from our super easy Grow A Dick Kit! This sassy little cube has a big surprise inside: spoiler alert, it’s everything you need to grow a girthy batch of capsicum annuum - AKA phallic chillies!

This is no bird-of-paradise-flower-situation, these spicy red numbers are unmistakably penile from head to shaft. Except for the little green bit on the stem, obvs. If you actually have one of those on your knob, please see a doctor, you may be at risk of being diagnosed as a plant.

All you have do to bring your willy chillies to life is open the cube and pour a little water on the pre-planted seeds. Pop it in a bright, warm place and keep watering every so often to keep them moist - in 12-18 days, you’ll be seeing a red cock rising out of the soil. Mental. In a few weeks, you could be slicing your very own scarlet bellend into a sexy stir fry! Nice.

When you’re ready to repot your plants into something more fitting (coming soon: the Firebox terracotta vagina), the magical eco-friendly cube will slowly decompose and turn into valuable coconut fibre fertiliser for the plant, enriched with all sorts of stuff that makes chillies fully erect big and handsome.

Now all you need is a pair of ginger balls to go with them for a culinary genital match made in Heaven.

More detail and specification

22 Reviews

Average 5/5 stars
  • "Gave this to my dad for fathers day, to tell him he needs to man up and grow a dick. He's loving it. Watering has stained the wood though."
    - 29th of June, 2020
  • "Can never have enough dicks amirite"
    - 24th of June, 2020
  • "Bought it for my Granda to cheer him up during lock down. Him and my Granny both died with laughter at it. And I can’t wait to see it grown."
    - 5th of June, 2020
  • "Really good gift!"
    - 18th of May, 2020
  • "“Came up” very quickly. “Pricked” out into pots and after a few days they “perked up” nicely. Now waiting for them to “grow” Worth the money"
    - 16th of January, 2020