We can’t ignore that, in these modern times, an eggplant is not just an eggplant. You know what we mean, don’t play all innocent with us.
This eggplant is the perfect victim for you to take your stress out on. It’s squishy, squidgy, and makes the world’s most satisfying THUD if you bash it against your other hand.
Got ghosted? Squeeze the eggplant. He left you on read, AGAIN? Punch the eggplant. He’s hot but his bio makes you cringe your brain out of your skull? Twist the eggplant. He replied to your nudes with ‘haha nice’ instead of the textual worship such an act deserves? Put the eggplant through the shredder. Actually maybe don’t do that last one, it probably won’t survive that.