Summer Sale 2018
Crap Trumps
  • Crap Trumps

Crap Trumps

They really aren't very good at all

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    Along with British Bulldog, Kiss Chase and that one where you pull your parka over your head and pretend to be Batman, Top Trumps remains one of the greatest games ever to hit the playground.

    Crap Trumps

    Crap hand

    In fact it's so good new editions are still being released today, almost 30 years after the world went nuts arguing over whose supercar had the most impressive horsepower. But why deal with unobtainable things like warships and dragsters when you can compare the attributes of shoddy, uninspiring tat? Step forward Crap Trumps.

    Crap Trumps

    The "OMFG!"


    Crap Trumps is just like Top Trumps, only better. We mean worse. Actually we don't know what we mean because this particular set of cards focuses on 52 of the most rubbish cars in history: from souped-up heaps (as favoured by track suited oiks) to hilariously misguided conceptual follies like the Sinclair C5. There are even a few unroadworthy rustbuckets such as the donkey-drawn lorry and the OMFG (think about it), which is essentially a kid's pedal car.

    Cars series 1
    Crap Trumps

    Yankee HickUP
    Yee Haw

    Sinclair C5

    Escort MK1
    Indoor Barbeque

    Nissan Sunny
    Aircooled offroader

    We won't bother explaining the rules of Crap Trumps (if you don't know them by now you really shouldn't be using this interweb thingy without supervision). Suffice to say you don't compare things like wingspan and bhp; you compare wiper speed, surface area rust, cost to achieve MOT and overall crap factor. Who'd have thought such non-aspirational jalopies could be so amusing?

    Crap Inventions
    Crap Trumps

    Government Advice
    Had too much?

    Mobile Extras
    xda pda

    The Traffic Warden
    I've started writing...

    Blame to Claim
    Accident prone?

    Crap Trumps

    Crap Inventions

    Seriously tongue-in-cheek and funnier than a spoiler-clad Fiesta with go-faster stripes, Crap Trumps are made from high quality card and feature some side-splitting photos and deeply sarcastic comments. They really are a celebration of utter rubbish. Which isn't such a bad thing because unlike Lamborghinis and Harrier Jump Jets, most of us can relate to the cackmobiles in Craptrumps. In fact we've decided that being rubbish is where it's at. So hit Buy and start dealing in total tat.

    Banger Rally
    Crap Trumps

    Delorian (ish)
    Back to the Fxxxxxxx

    Austin Montego
    Puke's Hazard

    Rover 630 LSi
    That One!

    Vauxhall Cavalier Li
    Spaccy Racers

    More detail and specification