Canned Unicorn Meat

A bit like chicken, only magic

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  • Sample this highly rare and enchanted delicacy
  • A little like chicken, only infused with magic and rainbows
  • Canned for freshness
  • Pre-cooked so you can enjoy this mythical meat hot or cold
Have you ever wondered what unicorns taste like? Of course you have. But you’re unlikely to find out, even if you crack open this tin, because despite being called Canned Unicorn Meat, it contains nothing of the sort.

But before you hop back over the rainbow to scoff Turkish delight with the wood nymphs and seek out genuine enchanted tripe, allow us to explain. This spooftastic tin really does contain a unicorn. Okay, so it’s a cute little plush one that’s been dismembered for your twisted amusement, but who cares about that when some dimwit opens the cupboard and asks about the local availability of mythical meat.

The bottom of the tin is easily removable so you won’t need an opener or even a magical scythe. Just give it a tug and watch their gullible faces drop as bits of dead unicorn tumble out on the worktop. Don’t ask why, just embrace the magic and buy!

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