- Small Dick Energy? Not anymore
- The confidence of the well-endowed, in a can
- An instant boost to your flaccid self esteem
- You can finally have that elusive ‘something about you’
- Who needs cocaine?!
That vibe. That unmistakable aura. It oozes from your pores, you majestic beast. You don’t even have to try. You practically fizz confidence, content knowing that you have a metaphorical titan’s penis tucked away in your Calvins. You’ve got Big Dick Energy and we all want a piece of you.
Sadly, that description cannot be true for everyone. Most of us emit a dull 5 incher vibe. Some of us are even cursed with the low frequency hum of a midget’s micropenis. But now the elusive glow of the well-endowed can be yours. You are mere sips away from having the je nais se quois swagger of Pete Davidson, Cher, David Bowie, Serena Williams, Prince, and countless other talented successes.
Crack open a can of this and you’ll be radiating the quietly self-assured vibes of a handsome, friendly bartender faster than the speed of light. It’s all down to the secret spiritual dick expanding recipe, kept lock and key and strict 24hr supervision at Firebox HQ. We can’t have everyone walking around being cool and friendly and chilled out now, can we?
How does it taste? Just like Big Dick Energy itself, the taste of this sweet manna is impossible to put your finger on. It’s just sort of there.
What is it made of? Can’t you read? We said it was a secret! But since you asked so nicely, there may or may not be a droplet of Chris Pratt’s sweat in each and every can…
Fun fact: the term ‘big dick energy’ was originally coined for the late, great chef Anthony Bourdain - not Pete Davidson, Ariana Grande’s fiance, as some mistakenly think.
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