Highly trained Barnacle guard
The London Underground at peak hour is a uniquely uncomfortable
experience at the best of times but when you add a million athletes, judges, journalists and tourists, you descend into a sweaty, stinky, public transport hell. The only way to survive is to somehow grab a seat; thus protecting you from the seething mass of humanity in the carriage.
Considering the big event about to hit London, seats on the Tube are about to become the most valuable commodity
in town. Thankfully, Firebox's Transport Comfort Division have been on the case. Working in secret, for fear of accidentally naming the event or infringing on any of the numerous other copyrighted phrases and images, they've developed a whole new approach to peak-time travel; the Barnacle Card
Choose a carriage
Like an oyster for VIPs, the Barnacle Card allows the clever commuter to log onto the new iBarnacle App
via their smartphone and reserve a seat
on your preferred Underground carriage. What was once simply a wild and unattainable pipe-dream has become reality
As soon as we confirm your reservation, one of our army of highly trained Barnacle Guards
will be dispatched to occupy your seat by any means necessary. Utilising years of training in ancient martial arts, specialised seating manoeuvres and Hollywood approved negotiation techniques; they will defend your spot from even the most tenacious tourists, until you arrive to swipe in
Choose a seat
Like an elite athlete taking advantage of the rapid developments in modern medicine, now you can get an edge over your fellow travellers. So when the hordes of sports-mad tourists descend on your stop, you'll be able to keep reading the paper and pretending not to see that elderly person looking for a seat, rather than copping a face full of armpit.
It won't necessarily make your trip any faster, but at least with your Barnacle Card
all you need to do is get onto the train, and you'll be sitting pretty.
You'll still need to mind the gap, though.