Naughty Weekend Kit

As self-appointed arbiters of what's in and what's out, Firebox can now reveal that the Naughty Weekend is officially back in fashion. So feel free to cast off any 70s-style preconceptions you might have about this much-maligned pastime. After all, thoughts of Benny Hill-style blokes rubbing their hands together in anticipation as buxom secretaries (whose legs don't know where to stop and skirts don't know where to start) bend over to sign the register in a seedy coastal hotel are just so last century. Aren't they?

The point is, what goes around comes around, and in the equal opportunity Noughties, the Naughty Weekend is making a comeback. We have to admit that much of this theory stems from a thorough examination of the latest life-enhancing product to land on the doorstep here at Firebox HQ.

Admittedly, Firebox being Firebox, when we first heard about the Naughty Weekend Kit we imagined it might contain a few water balloons, whoopee cushions and ink smeared binoculars. But no, this box of romance is proper, grown-up naughty.

In fact, this beautifully presented, ribbon-wrapped box contains everything you need (bar a partner) to indulge yourself in a weekend of pure lascivious luxury: velvet blindfold, tickling feather, body dust, kissing glaze, massage oil, honeycake soap, love soak (x2) and even a scroll of instructions. They really have thought of everything. The love soak even contains ylang ylang, a renowned aphrodisiac, and the body dust is edible!

All you boys and girls out there need to add is a willing partner. And that shouldn't be hard, because anyone savvy enough to be looking at sites such as Firebox obviously possesses a surfeit of wit, charisma, imagination and animal magnetism. For anyone bereft of the above attributes may we suggest you purchase a Naughty Weekend Kit forthwith and present it to the object of your desire before someone else beats you to it.

(NB: Firebox cannot be held responsible for the probable ridicule incurred by customers who follow the above advice).