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70s Hairy Chest Sweater

Hirsute Couture

70s Hairy Chest Sweater

Hirsute Couture

Direct Despatch

  •  Thick, luxuriant chest-rug
  •  Stay warm during winter hibernation
  •  Experience increased attraction from bears


What makes lumberjacks, 70s television stars and the giant Brown Bears of Alaska so irresistibly attractive to others? Simple. Their long, luxuriant chest hair.

Sadly, the recent 'man-scaping' trend has led to an epidemic of people pedantically plucking their pecs. Oh, the humanity.

Thankfully, we’ve found a solution (while you wait for your rug to regenerate). The 70s Hairy Chest Sweater. This 100% polyester sweater is almost guaranteed to increase your masculinity, virility and ability to chop wood.

Pull it on to cover that embarrassing hairless body, or add it to your existing rug for additional ‘70s style points.

more info

Please Note:
  • Actual increase in virility and masculinity is debatable
  • Everybody knows lumberjacks are born that way
Product Features:
  • Thick, luxuriant chest-rug
  • Stay warm during winter hibernation
  • Experience possible increased attraction from bears
  • Small Measures approximately 36"(Around chest) x 27"(L)
  • Medium Measures approximately 39"(Around chest) x 27"(L)
  • Large Measures approximately 43"(Around chest) x 28"(L)

Customer Reviews

Haha Love it. It looks like you could actually sell such a thing. Hmmmmm You should. Hahaha. Nice!
Lisa Marie - 4th April 2014
Not nice! I had this bookmarked for months for my halloween costume, and when I went to buy it I found out it's not real. I'm heartbroken :-(.
Molly - 10th October 2013
Firebox says: Wow! That's probably the latest April Fool ever! Sorry to let you down Molly. If this was a thing, it's safe to say it would be the greatest thing ever.
You know, I used to lack confidence. I never had the natural born charisma to be a leader... until I found this sweater. Now, hot babes can't keep their hands off me, I've been promoted 6 times in the last 4 months, and I can't even walk in public without every other person stopping me to ask where I got my man-tastic sweater. If you need a major overhaul in your life, look no further than this removable chest rug.
Lee - 6th April 2013
You should make an item like this. I would definitely buy one.
Matt - 5th April 2013
I would actually buy and wear this.
Bruno - 5th April 2013
Why is this not real??????? C'mon some one do this. We have the animal face tshirts so someone do this!!!! How about a padded version for moobs for skinny guys (or flat chested girls)?
Dave Williams - 2nd April 2013