Cubed Earwax

Getting your hands on earwax can be tricky. Whether it’s for recipes, packed lunches, party favours, or just as a delicious between meal snack, it’s often hard to find the quality and quantity you need. But don’t despair. While probing all manner of dark places here at Castle Firebox we have discovered Hoxton Street Monster Supplies and their ever-so-moreish Cubed Earwax.

Harvested from the lugholes of unsavoury humans, the precious goop is melted down in copper pans over a gas flame, and formed into individually-wrapped cubes. Cubes which look similar to fudge. Very similar, in fact...

Oh alright, these really are clotted cream fudge. But if you haven’t logged off in disgust by now then perhaps Cubed Earwax is for you. Superbly packaged in a vintage-looking card box it’s the perfect stomach churning gift and a wonderful way to delight and confuse your dinner guests.

What’s more, all proceeds from Cubed Earwax (and the equally gruesome Zombie Mints ) go to the registered charity the Ministry of Stories. This incredible group arranges writing workshops for young people, helping them to hone their creativity, imagination and storytelling skills. What can we expect from the next generation of Hoxton Street Monster Suppliers? We’ll keep our (recently cleaned) ears to the ground.