Human Snot and Brain Jam

Mmm, brain matter and snot

Human Snot and Brain Jam

Mmm, brain matter and snot


  •  Sold separately – pick your favourite bodily blend or buy both!
  •  Delicious preserves disguised as stomach-churning human excretions
  •  Guaranteed to amuse and revolt in equal measure
  •  Created by the inspiring children's charity – Ministry of Stories
  •  Saves you hours of picking your nose/brain


Have you ever wondered what it would be like to spread brain matter and snot on your toast? We hope not, but it would be fun to have a few jars in the cupboard, even if they were not entirely real. So thank goodness for Hoxton Street Monster Supplies Human Preserves. Mmm, frontal lobe!

Brought to you by the Ministry of Stories, a Hoxton-based charity workshop set up to encourage children’s imaginations and help them write their own stories, these gruesomely packaged high quality preserves are guaranteed to amuse and revolt in equal measure.

There's two delicious bodily blends to choose from – First up is Olde Fashioned Brain Jam (aka raspberry preserve), ‘delightful spread thickly on just about anything, especially a human limb.’ Next there’s Thickest Human Snot (aka lemon curd), ‘the ultimate delicacy at any self-respecting monster’s table.’

More repugnantly fascinating than Jackie Stallone and David Gest combined, Human Preserves are perfect for Halloween parties or any other bodily-function-themed shindig (well you never know). You can even give them as ever-so-slightly sicko gifts. Granny will love ‘em. Maybe.

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Please Note:
  • Price is for one jar of either Human Snot or Brain Jam
  • May contain traces of nuts
  • Refrigerate after opening
  • Due to the nature of this product, we are unable to offer our usual 30-day, no-quibble returns policy, if you later change your mind, or otherwise decide to return the product through no fault of Firebox. Click here for more info.
Product Features:
  • Thickest Human Snot:
    • Lemon Cheese
    • Ingredients: Sugar, eggs, margarine [vegetable oils, water, salt, emulsifier: mono and diglycerides of fatty acids, lecithin, natural colours: annatto, curcumin, flavourings], lemon juice [from conc] (10%), dextrose, salted butter [milk, water, salt], citric acid, gelling agent: Pectin, natural flavour: lemon oil
    • Contains milk, eggs and soya
    • Weighs approximately 300g
  • Olde Fashioned Brain Jam:
    • Raspberry Preserve
    • Ingredients: sugar, raspberry, gelling agent: pectin, citric acid. Prepared with 46g fruit per 100g. Total sugar content: 68g per 100g
    • Weighs approximately 340g
  • From the charity Ministry of Stories ( encouraging and enhancing children’s imaginations through story writing
  • Measures approximately 11.5cm(H) x 6.5cm(Ø)

Customer Reviews

At last, the perfect gift for some really weird relatives ! This is brilliant, suitable for teenagers, brothers or relatives you just want to shock. I have bought 2 jars and will be coming back for more ! Delivery was fast, the helpline staff were lovely and they thought it was absolutely normal to buy thick snot by the jar ! The perfect gift for the 'unshockable' person in your life - or just for serving at breakfast to see your guest's faces ! It tastes lovely and is the exact consistency of thick human snot without the lumpy bogies or slime ! Sure to please, certain to raise a laugh and a great idea ! Go on, I urge you to give it a try, you think it's lemon curd, but when you read the label it's snot ! (it's not - get it ?!).
Karen Kennedy - 13th September 2014