Hoxton Street Monster Supplies Human Preserves

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to spread brain matter and snot on your toast? We hope not, but it would be fun to have a few jars in the cupboard, even if they were not entirely real. So thank goodness for Hoxton Street Monster Supplies Human Preserves. Mmm, frontal lobe!

Brought to you by the Ministry of Stories www.ministryofstories.org, a Hoxton-based charity workshop set up to encourage children’s imaginations and help them write their own stories, these gruesomely packaged high quality preserves are guaranteed to amuse and revolt in equal measure.

First up is Olde Fashioned Brain Jam (aka raspberry preserve), ‘delicious spread thickly on just about anything, especially a human limb.’ Next there’s Thickest Human Snot (aka lemon curd), ‘the ultimate delicacy at any self-respecting monster’s table.’

More repugnantly fascinating than Jackie Stallone and David Gest combined, Human Preserves are perfect for Halloween parties or any other bodily-function-themed shindig (well you never know). You can even give them as ever-so-slightly sicko gifts. Granny will love ‘em. Maybe.

What’s more, proceeds from The Human Preserves go to the registered charity the Ministry of Stories. This incredible group arranges writing workshops for young people, helping them to hone their creativity, imagination and storytelling skills.