Baby Plus Prenatal-Education System

Just because you haven’t been born yet, doesn’t mean you can’t start learning about stuff. At least that’s the advice of the scientific types behind the Baby Plus Prenatal-Education System. In fact, their findings suggest we’re actually at our most receptive when we’re still in our mums’ tums. So turn the TV down, mind your effing and jeffing; and strap this remarkable prenatal teaching tool to your baby bump.

How does it work? Well, the Prenatal-Education System starts by emitting the familiar and comforting sounds of mum’s heartbeat. But over time this rhythm will gradually change, becoming more complex. Your baby will naturally be able to tell the difference and will listen to these new audio patterns as they are layered over the old ones.

‘So should I call my baby Ringo? Mooney? Phil-Colin?’ Well there’s more to it than just teaching your baby about rhythm. This clever system actually gives your developing child its first taste of a step-by-step learning process, as they recognise familiar sounds and learn about new ones. So when they finally put in an appearance in the real world, they’ll have an intellectual, developmental, creative, and emotional advantage (it says here). In short, they will already have learned how to learn.

‘Poppycock!’ we hear you cry. But this remarkable system is actually being endorsed by all sorts of obstetricians, pediatricians, scientists, and educators across the pond. So why not give it a go? Just pop this comfortable speaker onto your tum for one hour, twice a day during your pregnancy; and look suitably smug when your baby starts jabbering in Mandarin, building jet engines out of stickle bricks and writing sonnets on the Speak and Spell. Well... we can dream.