Okay, we know swearing isn’t big or clever. But it’s effing hilarious when it’s plastered across a quality linen dish cloth in the style of the periodic table. Yes, that periodic table; the one that shows various elements arranged in columns and rows according to their increasing atomic number. Or something like that.
Brought to you by the satirical geniuses over at Modern Toss, this thoroughly distasteful kitchen accessory is emblazoned with colourful swear words and frankly bizarre insults that would make the likes of Shaun Ryder, Malcolm Tucker, Joe Pesci, Gordon Ramsay and maybe even Derek and Clive (kids get Googling) wash their mouths out in shame. Better still it scientifically illustrates the relationship between various jaw-droppingly vulgar slurs. Sort of.
It looks nice on coffee tables
The ideal way to refresh your lexicon of profanities whilst drying the dishes, the Periodic Tablecloth of Swearing makes a colourful addition to any kitchen. Just make sure you hide it next time the vicar calls round for tea.
Firebox says: Hey Graeme, sorry to hear you felt we didn't make things clear enough on the product page. Drop us a line at email@example.com and we will look into your options for you.
What size is this - is it actually a tea towel or a table cloth?! Kate, London - 21st November 2012
Firebox says: Hi Kate, it is 48cm(H) x 79cm(W)
Again I would love to give this as a gift for Christmas. Do you think it will come back into stock and be able to send to me before Christmas? Max Fullerton, Hove - 18th November 2012
Firebox says: It's expected to come back into stock in the next few days! Yay! You could place a preorder to ensure it arrives with you before Christmas.
Bought this gift as a present for my aunt, the rest of the family loved it so I ended up buying 7 more. Also works as a great conversation topic at dinner parties when you need a tea towel to put hot food on to the table! Josie, Bristol - 1st November 2012
Firebox says: Hi Josie, we're glad you like it!
In 92, it says 'your' not 'you're'. . Just to let you know. . X. Gem, Worcester - 25th April 2011
Haha I want this. Brilliantly immature and some of them worthy of Malcolm Tucker from "The Thick of It". Tom Clark, London - 23rd December 2010
Firebox says: We suspect Malcolm owns this tablecloth.