The Periodic Tea Towel of Swearing

Okay, we know swearing isn’t big or clever. But it’s effing hilarious when it’s plastered across a quality linen table cloth in the style of the periodic table. Yes, that periodic table; the one that shows various elements arranged in columns and rows according to their increasing atomic number. Or something like that.

Brought to you by the satirical geniuses over at Modern Toss, this thoroughly distasteful kitchen accessory is emblazoned with colourful swear words and frankly bizarre insults that would make the likes of Shaun Ryder, Malcolm Tucker, Joe Pesci, Gordon Ramsay and maybe even Derek and Clive (kids get Googling) wash their mouths out in shame. Better still it scientifically illustrates the relationship between various jaw-droppingly vulgar slurs. Sort of.

The ideal way to refresh your lexicon of profanities whilst drying the dishes, the Periodic Tablecloth of Swearing makes a colourful addition to any kitchen. Just make sure you hide it next time the vicar calls round for tea.