Illuminating Coffee Table

You can keep your handmade Balinese coffee tables and low-slung designer lounge tables. There is a stunning new piece of fabulously OTT furniture in town: the Illuminating Coffee Table.

Simply plug in this neon-packed, stainless steel beast and watch in awe as its toughened glass surface bursts into life. But that’s only the half of it because a separate downlight casts a chilled glow from its underside. You can even tone things down via independent dimmer controls and select your own colours using a range of ingenious interchangeable filters.

But what’s all this Union Jack business? Well, in addition to the standard version, we can also arrange for your table to feature a great big in-your-face flag. And if that doesn’t have you standing to attention and saluting Her Maj in patriotic fervour, you can commission our good friends at Suck UK to incorporate bespoke graphics.

Clever designers have even put a power socket in one of the legs so you can fire up laptops and sound systems without running cables all over the place. It really is a dazzling piece of work. Put this in your foyer and visitors won’t know whether to pick up their popped out eyeballs or jump onto it and strike a Travolta-esque pose. The fact you can put coffee cups on it is purely incidental. And don’t you dare sully it with poncey design mags and jumbo books.

Measuring in at 1140mm x 770mm, this designer glow-chucker is destined to give your pad the wow-factor it so richly deserves. Now all you need is a couple of grand and an understanding boss/girlfriend. Everyone for coffee? Absolutely!