DIY Carbon Freezing Kit

Goodbye 2010, hello 2040!

DIY Carbon Freezing Kit

Goodbye 2010, hello 2040!

Sorry, this product is not available.

April Fool Product 2010!

GOTCHA! Yep that's right, this product was part of our April Fool range for 2010. We apologise if you are disappointed... or just sitting there red-faced! You can see our other April Fool products here.

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Molten Carbonite + Tibana Gas = Wake up in the future... far far away!

Prepare to be utterly gobsmacked…no, prepare to accidentally squish your popped-out eyeballs as you scrabble around looking for the remnants of your shattered jaw whilst wincing at your soiled-in-shock pants. Why? Because the DIY Carbon Freezing Kit is without doubt the most impressive (not to mention expensive) item ever to grace our pages.

Developed by the spamheads behind the Large Hadron Collider, this amazing chamber allows you to cryogenically freeze yourself for 5-30 years. Yes, really! Making a complete Han Solo of yourself has never been easier. Or possible.

In order to use this highly sophisticated chamber you’ll need to undergo various suitability tests at CERN on the Franc-Swiss border. Assuming you cut the mustard your DIY Carbon Freezing Kit will be delivered to your door within two weeks. The freezing process itself is simple: just remove your clothes, lie down in the chamber, set the timer and…well, the next thing you know it’ll be 2040. Don’t forget your toothbrush!

This item cannot be sold to anyone under the age of 18.

If you purchase this item with a debit card that is available to under 18s, we may need to contact you to request proof of your age before your order is processed.

Delivery details:
This product is shipped directly from the supplier and therefore will be sent to you separately from any other items you may order. Delivery will be by courier and should take 2-3 days

Please note:

You will have to under-go stringent tests at the CERN HQ (based on the Franc-Swiss border) – Flights, accomodation and full body wax is included in the cost of this product

Features:

Wake up in the future!

Dimensions:

Carbonite Frame approximately 121.9cm (W) x 274.3cm (H) x 61cm (D)

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Customer Reviews

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We lost our driver of the Millenium Falcon to this, and you all mock us.
C3P0, Tatooine - 5th September 2010

I bought two of these about 900 years ago (in 2010) and, I have to say, mine worked perfectly. Although, never plug two in to the same house circuit - the other one, which had my friend in it, turned into a huge slab of diamond. But I did find a good side - he makes a great sculpture for my lounge. Now, must dash - I have some humans to swallow.
Chris, Omicron Persei 8 - 1st June 2010

Okay Firebox this is beyond a joke now. This is the second Carbonite Freezing Kit you've sent me and both have been missing essential parts. The Tibana Gas Regulator(TGR-HX118) and Carbonite Hose(CH-OP3C) were not in the box and the whole item looks like it's already been used. There's finger prints on the Digital Display and the bag that had the remote control and instruction manual in were already open. Also this unit only has a two pin plug? I've never had any problems with you in the past but I'd be grateful if you could refund my credit card this time as I have lost faith in this product. Alternatively I would be willing to do a straight swap for a Slanket! Cheers Oly.
Oly Scott, Haworth - 2nd April 2010

Firebox says: We'll see what we can do!

GREAT April fools - had me totally until I realised the date!! Maybe my surname would make me a good candidate! ps. I will watch ANY videos submitted by the brave.
Jan Stiff, Newbury - 1st April 2010

I this a few years ago (although it seems like only last week!) My one improvement would be that it would have some sort of anti-vandalism unit... when I got out it was covered in graffiti, I was not amused, mainly because I had missed the past few years and so the punchlines for much of what was written were lost on me.
Emma, London - 1st April 2010

I used something very similar which went very, very wrong, although I have made a best friend who is a robot AND met the love of my shallow little life - Leila! Watch out, the future is a tough course to navigate!!
Phillip Fry, The Future - 1st April 2010