When I saw this item was available, I was very excited, as I consider myself something of a connoisseur when it comes to the old udder-lard.
I have hosted several very successful cheese & wine parties, and am becoming quite well known as the local "Cheespert"! At my last cheese & wine 'do', I even introduced the novel concept of putting my cheese cubes on sticks, to allow easy recovery from the wine glass, rather than having to go through the undignified rigmarole of fishing the cheese out from the bottom of the glass with one's fingers (I have some quite large-fingered friends, and a lot of my white carpet is now stained with red wine - if only I'd thought of the sticks idea earlier!!!).
Imagine my disappointment, then, when I read the list of cheeses you provide! Where is the White Mild? The Squeezy Tube?
You've missed the perfect opportunity to provide exclusive foreign cheese imports! Long have I yearned to sample the "spray-cheese" phenomenon of the Americas, and I'm sure I'm not alone. This demand is the sort of thing any cheese club worth its saltine (forgive the pun) would take note of.
The cheeses (Cheesi, to give the correct latin plural) you provide range from the foolishly niche (Wenslydale with cranberries??? It's well known that adding fruit to whey causes a dangerous chemical reaction, with chlorine gas as but one of its potentially fatal by-products! And Danish Blue??!!? Cheese is yellow by definition!!!) to the ridiculously banal (who hasn't grown peelable cheese on damp paper towels as a science experiment in primary school, after all?).
Shame on you, Firebox! Shame on you for this flammery!
Laurie Pink, Manchester - 1st April 2010
Firebox says: You love Cheese you do.