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Which prison shall I visit this month?
When it comes to calendars we’re pretty sick of staring at Peter Andre’s tango’d six-pack, Jordan’s airbrushed bazookas and the cast of Hollyoaks in their pants. Even The Saturdays With Not Much On is becoming slightly passé.
No, dear reader, in these austere times, unattainable glamour is crass. What’s called for is a reality check – and you’re guaranteed that with Crap Calendars. Glass half empty? Yes please!
Brought to you by the headcase behind 2003’s smash hit page-turner, Roundabouts of Britain, this fabulously depressing 2013 range includes Her Majesty’s Prisons of England and Best of British Roundabouts. Grim? The pics in these babies make Slough Trading Estate look like Rodeo Drive!
Space to write your appointments
Highly ironic (well, sort of) each quality calendar features 12 stunning shots of Britain’s finest slammers, gyratory systems and factories. You can almost hear the music from The Office and smell those heady fumes every time you flip a page. Mmm…bricks, concrete and asphalt!
Her Majesty’s Prisons of England 2013
From the daunting entrance to the Portland Prison to more progressive but equally dismal ‘red bricks’ such as H.M Prison Hull, this calendar serves as an ideal crime deterrent.
January HMP The Verne
March HMP Dartmoor
August HMP The Grove
Best of British Roundabouts 2013
Featuring some of the finest examples of the one way gyratory, from the Wonderful Titchmarsh traffic island in Weymouth to the truly unique Pump House Roundabout in Pembroke Dock, this is the perfect gift for any Alan Partridge wannabe.
January Fantastic double-ringer, York
September Weather vanes, Livingston
December Pump house, Pembroke Dock
With the possible exception of Zac Efron’s official effort, Crap Calendars are amongst the most dispiriting calendars we’ve ever seen. And that’s exactly why we love ‘em.
Our local paper announced that the Holgate Windmill roundabout had won the UK Roundabout Appreciation Society (a real thing!) roundabout of the year award and would be on the cover of the 2013 calendar...and there it is!
I went to visit it based entirely on its new found fame! Wonderful! Chris Johnson, York - 26th November 2012
We bought the Number 11 bus route calendar last year - I'm sad that there's not another one for this year. Will have to get them to use it again instead! Roundabouts and prisons don't quite have the same effect. Rachel, Watford - 4th December 2011
Firebox says: Hehe you could always track down a 2010 calendar, they are meant to be "crap" calendars after all!
I bought my dad the roundabouts calendar for Christmas last year and he loved it! Does the 2011 version use the same pictures as the 2010 one? Helen, York - 8th December 2010
Firebox says: Updated every year Helen!
I love all of these calenders, such a laugh, when I tell my friends about them they don't all get it, but that just amuses me more. . Sally France, Spain - 7th October 2010
My father knows the maker, So no Zac Efron calenders this year. Katie, Birmingham - 5th October 2010
I bought the roundabouts one for my cousin last year. He lives in the States now and he loved it. His American girlfriend was absolutely baffled by it! Will be getting one for him again this year :D. Chloe, St. Albans - 30th September 2010