When it comes to calendars we’re pretty sick of staring at Peter Andre’s tango’d six-pack, Jordan’s airbrushed bazookas and the cast of Hollyoaks in their pants. Even The Saturdays With Not Much On is becoming slightly passé.
No, dear reader, in these austere times, unattainable glamour is crass. What’s called for is a reality check – and you’re guaranteed that with Crap Calendars. Glass half empty? Yes please!
Brought to you by the headcase behind 2003’s smash hit page-turner, Roundabouts of Britain, this fabulously depressing 2013 range includes Her Majesty’s Prisons of England and Best of British Roundabouts. Grim? The pics in these babies make Slough Trading Estate look like Rodeo Drive!
Space to write your appointments
Highly ironic (well, sort of) each quality calendar features 12 stunning shots of Britain’s finest slammers, gyratory systems and factories. You can almost hear the music from The Office and smell those heady fumes every time you flip a page. Mmm…bricks, concrete and asphalt!
Her Majesty’s Prisons of England 2013
From the daunting entrance to the Portland Prison to more progressive but equally dismal ‘red bricks’ such as H.M Prison Hull, this calendar serves as an ideal crime deterrent.
January HMP The Verne
March HMP Dartmoor
August HMP The Grove
Best of British Roundabouts 2013
Featuring some of the finest examples of the one way gyratory, from the Wonderful Titchmarsh traffic island in Weymouth to the truly unique Pump House Roundabout in Pembroke Dock, this is the perfect gift for any Alan Partridge wannabe.
January Fantastic double-ringer, York
September Weather vanes, Livingston
December Pump house, Pembroke Dock
With the possible exception of Zac Efron’s official effort, Crap Calendars are amongst the most dispiriting calendars we’ve ever seen. And that’s exactly why we love ‘em.