Crap Calendars

When it comes to calendars we’re pretty sick of staring at Peter Andre’s tango’d six-pack, Jordan’s airbrushed bazookas and the cast of Hollyoaks in their pants. Even The Saturdays With Not Much On is becoming slightly passé.

No, dear reader, in these austere times, unattainable glamour is crass. What’s called for is a reality check – and you’re guaranteed that with Crap Calendars. Glass half empty? Yes please!

Brought to you by the headcase behind 2003’s smash hit page-turner, Roundabouts of Britain, this fabulously depressing 2012 range includes Her Majesty’s Prisons of England and Best of British Roundabouts. Grim? The pics in these babies make Slough Trading Estate look like Rodeo Drive!

Highly ironic (well, sort of) each quality calendar features 12 stunning shots of Britain’s finest slammers, gyratory systems and factories. You can almost hear the music from The Office and smell those heady fumes every time you flip a page. Mmm…bricks, concrete and asphalt!

Her Majesty’s Prisons of England:4th Year of Bird 2012
From imposing Victorian edifices like Wormwood Scrubs to more progressive but equally dismal ‘red bricks’ such as Bullingdon, this calendar serves as an ideal crime deterrent.

March HMP Birmingham		August HMP Wormwood Scrubs		November HMP Pentonville

Best of British Roundabouts 2012
Featuring some of the finest examples of the one way gyratory, from the enormous, proud Cockerel at Deepdene in Dorking to the Prince Michael International Road Safery Award winner in York, this is the perfect gift for any Alan Partridge wannabe.

March Cute little chevy, Isle of Wight		May Lovely Livingston traffic island		November Terrific tropical island, Richmond

With the possible exception of Zac Efron’s official effort, Crap Calendars are amongst the most dispiriting calendars we’ve ever seen. And that’s exactly why we love ‘em.