MUG!

Our guv’nor reckons drinking tea and coffee is for ponces. After all, proper geezers drink pints of wallop and nuffink else. But seeing as you ain’t no proper geezer (‘cos you’re on this la-di-dah website) and you probably enjoy the occasional drop of hot splosh, why not do it with a MUG!?

Perfect for wannabe gangsters, this high quality porcelain mug features a handle that looks just like a knuckle-duster. You ‘eard, a knuckle-duster. Wallop! It’s ideal for mornings when you can’t be bothered making small talk, and it will show everyone in your outfit exactly who’s boss. Get it? Got it? Good!

We guarantee you’ll feel like a right hardman the second you slip your fingers through its individual holes and curl your thumb round that thuggish handle. You might even be tempted to teach them ‘ob Nobs some manners, introduce the shortbreads to the medicine cabinet and threaten the tea lady with a chocolate finger. “You want some, yer trolly pushin’ cah!”

Despite its novelty handle, the mucho-macho MUG! is actually a well-crafted vessel that holds up to 400ml of your favourite lily the pink. And that’s a whole lotta rosie. Just make sure rival tea fans don’t eyeball you sipping wimpy stuff like latte or *gasp* water. You wouldn’t want to waste your tea break picking up teeth with your one good arm, would you now?

We ain’t trying to take the jam out of your doughnut by tucking you up because the MUG! can be yours for just £10.99. Which is a shame because we know all kinds of imbecilic slang for tenners and fivers, but we’ve got sweet FA for one bob short of a dozen.

The grass on our manor (okay, our stock controller) reckons the magnificently menacing MUG! is set to sell out faster than you can say ‘Gentlemen, it’s been emotional’. So get ordering or we’ll have to send round some known muscle to sort you out. Go on, ‘ave it!