We all know there's nothing big or clever about swearing, don't we? Actually, scrub that. It's hilarious, especially when the expletives in question are coming from an arm-waving, head-popping plastic turtle.

Ladies and i****s, introducing Terry Turtle. Utterly infantile, this potty-mouthed infra-red reptile is the funniest little s***l w****r we've come across in ages, and we're big fans of Derek and Clive, Richard Pryor and Joe Pesci. (Incidentally, don't bother trying to decipher our Terry-inspired exclamations. His outbursts are so off the wall you'll be here all day).

The concept behind Terry Turtle is p**t w*******y simple: he's preloaded with over 25 forehead-slappingly funny sweary outbursts. Just activate his motion sensor by walking past, waving your hand or sticking two fingers up and you'll hear a shocking random phrase. He's also great for insulting passers-by. G****s!

If motion's not your thing, simply press Terry's switch, located near his s***y s***l. To add to the puerile proceedings, Terry's wobbly head pops up and his arms wave every time he swears.

It's not all g***********y r***e, though, because Terry has a not-so-rude mode and a safe mode for those occasions when the vicar is coming to tea or the CEO is in town.

If you're wondering what Terry is actually for, keep wondering. He's t*****y p*******s. And that's the point. Just put him on your desk and snigger like a b*g g***s b****e as he runs through his sweary repertoire. It's hilarious when the boss walks by. Well, ish.

Much as we deplore swearing *they said, looking to the sky and whistling*, we honestly think Terry Turtle is destined to become a cult hero and a best seller to boot. So get a b******g move on or cover your ears. We're seeing stars!