In days gone by noblemen would cook their brats, burgers and chops by skewering them upon their trusty swords and plunging them into a raging fire. Or did we just make that up? Who cares, because the magnificently silly BBQ Sword allows you to do exactly that. Well, sort of.

This brilliant BBQ accessory is actually a twin-pronged fork fashioned to resemble a musketeer-style sword. It even comes with a cut-out cardboard mask so you can spear treacherous chicken thighs and impale all the king's hot dogs without revealing your true identity.

As well as its utterly idiotic swashbuckling qualities, the BBQ Sword is a pretty nifty cooking implement. Its fat wooden handle will ensure you don't drop your freshly barbecued food over the château parapet and its comedy hand guard will protect freshly laundered cuff ruffs from dripping fat. Maybe.

More importantly this magnifique stainless steel sausage stabber (try saying that after a few glasses of port) is infinitely more effective, not to mention elegant, than a regular fork or cumbersome BBQ prodder.

Whether you're prancing around the garden making a total Athos of yourself, flummoxing guests with your frankly ridiculous mask or thrusting away at a regiment of seditious quarterpounders, the BBQ Sword is guaranteed to become your new favorite cooking implement. Most impressive of all we've managed to write over 200 words without mentioning pork swords. On guard!