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Not at all what it sounds like


Not at all what it sounds like

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We come across all kinds of things during the noble pursuit of 'product development'. Much of it is nonsense, discarded after five minutes either because it breaks or because what it claims to do is actually a Trades Description Act-infringingly million miles away from what it actually does. And being honest, we thought that the Orgasmatron would end up on the discard heap.

Which only goes to prove how wrong you can be. Obviously, the sleazy name was seriously off-putting in the first instance, but once the Orgasmatron had worked its magic on our collective heads, all was forgiven. Its eight, round-ended copper arms certainly seem to work magic once they're lowered onto your scalp and then gently worked around the back of your head and neck. Get someone else to do it to you, since that - as is the case with lots of things - is the best way.

The effect is tremendous - it sets off waves of the deeply pleasant shivering sensation you get when 'someone walks over your grave' (you know, the random shake that can strike at any time). Only here it's prolonged and extremely relaxing. It won't actually result in any climactic activity, but you can clearly see exactly where the makers were coming from (fnar fnar) when they named this unique and very satisfying massage implement. Recommended strongly - one kept in the top drawer for a bit of afternoon delight in the office.

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Please Note:
  • Product handle might vary slightly in colour
  • Head massage is good for relieving tension and for stimulating the brain. So keep the Orgasmatron in the vicinity of your head - however your urges may tempt you.

Customer Reviews

Well, I was telling my Dad about this product, and as I was saying the word (for the first time aloud) I thought: what the hell am I saying?? I got so embarrassed. I don't think my Dad realised it wasn't a sex toy so I just hope he's forgotten the whole thing! It's really relaxing though, but I think it deserves a better name.
Anna - 22nd December 2005
Whoever reviewed the Orgasmatron from Firebox was defintely not a girl! THe name might be sleazy, but it is definitely not wrong!! The Orgasmatron is capable of sending down hundreds of Orgasmic shivers down your spine. Girls, get your man to try it on you, Men - you'll thank me for this tip. Try it!
Asima - 19th December 2003
Save your money and make your own out of wire coathangers!
Paul Ponting - 23rd August 2003
It is awesome. Its such a soothing feeling when it first touches your head. It truly is amazing!
Reuben - 14th July 2003
This is amazing! I love it, my housemates love it, but telling girls to come home and try my Orgasmatron is still fraut with danger!
Jimbo Smith - 24th March 2003
This felt so good! I'm keeping mine for myself, but am definitely buying one for my mum - she needs to relax and wind down and this definately does the trick! Thanks for helping me find it lycos!
Gemma - 9th November 2002