Despair Calendar
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Forget pussy cats, pop stars and panoramic vistas; calendars should be engaging, amusing and thought-provoking. The trouble is most message-bearing calendars are of the annoying 'You don't have to be mad to work here...' variety. Either that or they're weird, quasi-religious ones filled with syrupy proverbs pilfered from a Stepford wife's pin cushion.
Then there's the motivational quote calendar; a real page turner (not!) filled with supposedly inspiring, seize the day-style axioms; you know, the sort of thing you might see hanging on David Brent's wall. So wouldn't it be good if there was a calendar to counter all this optimistic thigh-slapping drivel; a calendar filled with demotivating images and utterly demoralising words of wisdom. Well, guess what? There is, and it's called the Best of Demotivators Calendar 2009.
 You can't make this stuff up!
On the subject of 'Consulting', for example, the Demotivators Calendar says 'If you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made prolonging the problem'. Each hilariously harsh home truth is accompanied by an equally entertaining, beautifully shot picture, making this one of the best ways to de-cheesify any home or office. It's also an ideal gift for under-achievers, loafers, cynics and anybody who hates smarmy motivational proverbs and upbeat axioms.
In addition, scattered throughout are entertaining reminders of priceless faux pas, hilarious humiliations and corporate cock-ups from recent (and not so recent) history. A reminder to us all that hubris and humiliation are not mutually exclusive - fate is often lurking just around the next corner wearing nothing more than a custard pie and a cheeky grin. Just ask U2.
So what are you waiting for? Good things don't come to those who wait; good things come to those who click Buy.
 Computer says... no.
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Dimensions:
- Approximately 30.5cm x 56cm (when open).
- Approximately 30.5cm x 28cm (when closed).
A word from the founder of Despair, Inc:
"MOTIVATION. Psychology tells us it comes from within. Common sense tells us it can't be manufactured. Yet motivational books, posters and speeches are the heart of a multi-billion dollar industry. Why? Because people desperately want simple solutions to complex problems. And when desperation has disposable income, market opportunities abound. At Despair, Inc., we believe motivational products raise hopes only to dash them. Our 2008 calendar features twelve of our most depressing Demotivators® designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow. Enjoy! (As if that's really possible)."
- E.L. Kersten, Ph.D., Despair, inc. COO & Founder.
Months:
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MOTIVATION | January | "If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon." |
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PROPAGANDA | February | "What lies behind us and before us are small matters compared to what lies right to our faces." |
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GOALS | March | "It's best to avoid standing between a competitive jerk and his goals." |
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PRIORITIES | April | "Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction." |
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POSSIBILITIES | May | "With focus, dedication, and steroids, men can achieve impossible dreams. Like breaking a world record. Or growing their own breasts." |
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DELUSIONS | June | "There is no greater joy than soaring high on the wings of your dreams, except maybe the joy of watching a dreamer who has nowhere to land but in the ocean of reality." |
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TRADITION | July | "Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." |
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CONFORMITY | August | "When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other." |
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RETIREMENT | September | "Because you've given so much of yourself to the company that you don't have anything left that we can use." |
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FEAR | October | "Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea." |
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LONELINESS | November | "If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone." |
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HUMILIATION | December | "The harder you try, the dumber you look." |
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 | Videos |
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Demotivator's Calendar
This calendar is excellent! It combines the best of the 'Despair Posters' collection and comes with one of the despair posters free! This calendar is real thinking- none of that soppy 'good things come to those who wait' stuff!!! Cunning words of wisdom!
And what a bargain at only £14.95-
Michael Foster, England
- 3rd Apr 2006
Video URL:
http://www.firebox.com/video/122
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Win With Firebox!
Every week we give away a FREE $50.00 Firebox Voucher to the sender of our favourite video!
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 | Your photos |
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Chris Aldridge, Scotland, Inverness |
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Win With Firebox!
Every week we give away a FREE $50.00 Firebox Voucher to the sender of our favourite photo!
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 | What you said... |
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This will be my second year with a Despair Calendar. I love 'em! Wittiest on the market.
Dave, Northumberland - Dec '08 |
The captions are great and they fit in with the pictures so well.
Simon, Stowmarket - Jun '07 |
I love this, makes me smile every morning when I arrive at my desk, which is saying something.
Thank you firebox for yet another brilliant product.
Sara, Dumfries - Mar '07 |
This is the best calendar I've seen, it's a breath of fresh air from the corn of the norm.
Adam Gordon, Mablthorpe Lincolnshire England - Feb '07 |
I bought the poster(75cmx60cm which you don't seem to have on the site anymore) from the official web site (please dear god make an aussie site I need so many things from you). It is one of the best buy I think ill ever make. Really great for a pessimist like me.
James, Gold Coast - Jun '07 |
I love it - I had bought this as a present for somebody, but I think they will have to make do with something else, as I think it might end up at work!
Mark, Ilkley, Yorkshire - Dec '06 |
I bought a 2006 version last year and I'm still laughing, simply great!
Mike , Weston-super-Mare - Nov '06 |
My friend and I work in training for a pharma company and we're surrounded by motivation posters; what a breath of fresh air the calandar is! Role on 2007!
Nick, (Royal) Tunbridge Wells - Mar '06 |
Finally a calendar that shows life how it really is. The quotes are simply genius. Good work firebox.
Ryan P, Chard, Somerset - Dec '05 |
At last a calendar despairing enough to lift me from my pit and get me out into the real world ready to face the down side of life with a smile.
Ben, IoW - Dec '05 |
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