Everyone wants to be a spaceman. But the harsh fact is, none of you lot will ever leave the planet. Unless of course you find the $200,000 Mr. Branson is charging for an out of this world experience, down the back of the settee.
Indeed mere mortals like us will never experience any of the pleasures of space travel. But maybe that's not such a bad thing. Who wants to spend their day doing daft slow-mo somersaults for the camera before emptying their bladder into a plastic bag? Not us. Having said that it would be quite nice to sample some of that strange nosh they eat up there in the outer limits.
Well now you can do exactly that without joining the space program thanks to these genuine pouches of Space Food. Developed for the Apollo missions, these deliciously healthy treats have been frozen to -40c, vacuum dried and sealed in special foil pouches. Manufactured by the same company that supplies nosh to NASA for Space Shuttle missions, Space Food is out of this world in terms of originality. It also melts in the mouth and is ready to eat straight out of the pack.
But what about the taste? Houston, we currently have neapolitan, mint choc chip and ice cream sandwich - and each one tastes exactly as it should, only a bit dryer. Understandable as Space Food is devoid of water crystals. We have to admit that the texture takes some getting used to but, to paraphrase JFK, "We choose to eat these things not because they are chewy, but because they are crunchy." Or something like that.
Although these unusual snacks are designed to be eaten aboard a spacecraft you can always draw some knobs and dials on a cardboard box, clamber inside and pretend you're orbiting Earth. But that's almost as silly as flying to the sun at night to avoid being roasted alive. We digress. Space Food is the most original food this side of the stratosphere and it's perfect for packed lunches, parties and pretend space missions. But hurry; we expect these nifty pouches to rocket out of Cape Firebox faster than you can say "we have lift off". 3...2...1...Buy!