Samurai warriors don’t get wet. They dodge the raindrops using ancient techniques handed down to them by some doddery old bloke who looks like Mr Miyagi off The Karate Kid. Probably. Unfortunately, when it’s really bucketing down, even a full-on shogun master needs a bit of help – and here it is in the deeply stylish shape of the Samurai Umbrella.
Ideal for ninjas, noble warriors and anyone who’s OD’d on badly-dubbed kung fu movies, this elegant nylon brolly features a realistic samurai sword-style handle, so you can protect yourself from the wrath of Kuraokami (that’s the Japanese rain god, stupid) without looking like a dorkish ‘nana.
Simply withdraw this finely-crafted rain repeller from its shoulder-mounted nylon scabbard, depress the push button mechanism and you’re ready to do battle with the elements. You can even pull a few martial artsy moves in between downpours. Try doing that with one of those nincompoopish curvy-handled jobs. Hi-Yaaa!
For some unfathomable reason there’s something strangely comforting about walking around with an umbrella/sword hybrid. Just gripping that elongated hilt is enough to make you wanna squeeze into a yellow jumpsuit and practise your Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. ‘Please boss, I was just trying to swat a fly.’
With all the great weather we enjoy here in Blighty (ha-flippin’-ha), a decent umbrella is essential. Ergo, one that looks like an ancient weapon is an absolute must. So get ordering, but hurry: our highly renowned master supplier (now posing as a sushi chef) has taken a blood oath to construct and dispatch each Samurai Umbrella only to those he deems worthy of its power.* Sayonara!
*We might have made that up. Actually we did.